IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company

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Dear Sir, Letter of Request I am writing to express my gratitude to ABC Group of
Company
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. Having spent two years in
this
Linking Words
 job as an Administrative Assistant, I am happy to have honed my
skills
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 excellently and keep learning new things.
Firstly
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, I have been able to perfect my listening, organization, data entry, and email management
skills
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while
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 on
this
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 job.
Moreover
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, I remember struggling with these
skills
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 during my first six months in
this
Linking Words
 role.
Furthermore
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, I feel I am at a point where career progression is crucial to me. I would like to be elevated to the role of Executive Assistant.
This
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 would enable me to work closely in the operations department under the leadership of the Director and Chief Security Officer.
Additionally
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,I believe my
skills
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 are needed in that department because there have been a lot of setbacks in delivering administrative duties and paying attention to details.
In addition
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, I would like to reiterate that I love ABC
Company
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 and do not wish to resign anytime soon, as I have grown to adapt to the roles and management procedures here. I
also
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 appreciate the
company
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's willingness to push staff for career development, and I feel it is unfair to give all the knowledge acquired here to another
company
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. I look forward to your response. Thank you for your understanding. Yours faithfully, Bunmi Ade.

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coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and consider using more linking words or phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
In your letter, clearly explain how your skills acquired in your current role will directly benefit the new department you wish to move to. Adding more specific details or examples can strengthen your case.
suitable writing tone
The letter maintains a respectful and formal tone, appropriate for a professional setting.
complete response
The letter clearly outlines the applicant's achievements and reasons for seeking a new position, showing a strong sense of purpose.
greeting and closing
The introduction and closing of the letter are well-formulated, creating a positive impression.
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