IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

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Some people argue that the state does not have the right to make parents
immunise
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 their
children
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.
However
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, I feel the question is not whether they should
immunise
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 but whether, as members of
society
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, they have the right not to. Preventative medicine has proved to be the most effective way of reducing the incidence of fatal childhood
diseases
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.
As a result
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 of the widespread practice of immunising young
children
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 in our
society
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, many lives have been saved and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diseases
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 have been reduced to almost zero. In previous centuries
children
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 died from ordinary illnesses
such
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 as influenza and tuberculosis and because few people had immunity, the
diseases
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 spread easily.
Diseases
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such
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 as dysentery were the result of poor hygiene but these have long been eradicated since the arrival of good sanitation and clean water. Nobody would suggest that we should reverse
this
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 good practice now because dysentery has been wiped out. Serious
diseases
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such
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 as polio and smallpox have
also
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 been eradicated through national immunisation programmes. In consequence,
children
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 not immunised are far less at risk in
this
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 disease-free
society
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 than they would
otherwise
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 be. Parents choosing not to
immunise
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 are relying on the fact that the
diseases
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 have already been eradicated. If the number of parents choosing not to
immunise
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 increased, there would be a similar increase in the risk of the
diseases
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 returning. Immunisation is not an issue like seatbelts which affects only the individual. A decision not to
immunise
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 will have widespread repercussions for the whole of
society
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 and
for
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this
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 reason, I do not believe that individuals have the right to stand aside. In my
opinion
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,opinion
show examples
 immunisation should be obligatory.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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