IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of larger fish called the salmon. Summariase the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of larger fish called the salmon. Summariase the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon #summariase #information #features #comparisons
The given diagram
illusrates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the life cycle of
salmon
, from their birth to return back where they were born.
Overall
,
it is clear that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
salmon
 grows in 3 different sizes in their whole life.
In particular
, they both can swim in
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
 and sea.
Moreover
,
salmon
 species come back
where
Change preposition
to where
show examples
 their life began for reproducing
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. First of all, the adult
salmon
 lay eggs
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the bottom of
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
river
, between reeds and small stones. From hatching to growing up to
‘fry’
Correct article usage
the ‘fry’
show examples
 stage, which
Add a missing verb
is aproximately
show examples
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 3 to 8
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
 long, it normally takes 5-6 months. They begin moving to
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
 part of the
river
, where much faster water flows than
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 home. Fries spend about 4 years
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 bigger to
‘smolt’
Correct article usage
the ‘smolt’
show examples
 stage. In
this
 stage, they become 12-15
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
 long.
Next,
smolts keep swimming
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the open sea, and it takes normally 5 years to get there. At the ocean, they
finally
 grow up as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult salmons. They are fully grown, and their size is nearly 70-76
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
 long. The adult salmons
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 back to their home when the
mate
Change the verb form
mating
show examples
 season comes. After they arrive, they lay eggs all the way up to
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
 parts of the
river
 again.
Submitted by 98shs on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, river with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: