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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of larger fish called the salmon. Summariase the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of larger fish called the salmon. Summariase the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon #summariase #information #features #comparisons
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The given diagram
illusrates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the life cycle of
salmon
Use synonyms
, from their birth to return back where they were born.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
salmon
Use synonyms
 grows in 3 different sizes in their whole life.
In particular
Linking Words
, they both can swim in
Use synonyms
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
 and sea.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
salmon
Use synonyms
 species come back
where
Change preposition
to where
show examples
 their life began for reproducing
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. First of all, the adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 lay eggs
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the bottom of
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
river
Use synonyms
, between reeds and small stones. From hatching to growing up to
‘fry’
Correct article usage
the ‘fry’
show examples
 stage, which
Add a missing verb
is aproximately
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aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 3 to 8
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
 long, it normally takes 5-6 months. They begin moving to
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
 part of the
river
Use synonyms
, where much faster water flows than
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 home. Fries spend about 4 years
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 bigger to
‘smolt’
Correct article usage
the ‘smolt’
show examples
 stage. In
this
Linking Words
 stage, they become 12-15
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
 long.
Next,
Linking Words
smolts keep swimming
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the open sea, and it takes normally 5 years to get there. At the ocean, they
finally
Linking Words
 grow up as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult salmons. They are fully grown, and their size is nearly 70-76
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
 long. The adult salmons
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 back to their home when the
mate
Change the verb form
mating
show examples
 season comes. After they arrive, they lay eggs all the way up to
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
 parts of the
river
Use synonyms
 again.
Submitted by 98shs on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, river with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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