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Band 6.5

The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report.

The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report.
The pie chart shows the percentage of job positions hold by
people
Use synonyms
 that are categorized into five different
races
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the bar graph illustrates the proportion of
jobs
Use synonyms
 on the basis of different
races
Use synonyms
 in the public
as well as
Linking Words
 in the private
sector
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Africans
Use synonyms
 had the highest percentage in the public
sector
Use synonyms
 than other nations
whereas
Linking Words
 white
people
Use synonyms
 had
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 workforce in the private
sector
Use synonyms
 and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 management level.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, white
people
Use synonyms
 hold the majority of
jobs
Use synonyms
 with 68.90% in the pie chart during 2015 -16 in South Africa and
Africans
Use synonyms
 represented the figure of 14.30% of
jobs
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the other three nations had less than 10% of
jobs
Use synonyms
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 Indians represented 8.60% of
jobs
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 which was
doubled
Replace the word
double
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the percentage of
colored
Change the spelling
coloured
show examples
races
Use synonyms
 with 4.70%. The lowest
job
Correct quantifier usage
number of job
show examples
 holders belonged to Foreign
national
Fix the agreement mistake
nationals
show examples
 with 3.50% of
jobs
Use synonyms
 in South Africa. In the bar graph, equal and higher
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 can be seen for white
people
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 and
Africans
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 but in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. White
people
Use synonyms
 represented 72.40%
Use synonyms
jobs
Change preposition
of jobs
show examples
 in the private section
similarly
Linking Words
Africans
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 hold 73.20% of
jobs
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 in SA. Indian hold 8.70% and 6.50% 0f
jobs
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 in the private and the public area
respectivel
Correct your spelling
respectively
. Indians are higher than other
races
Use synonyms
 in
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 private
Use synonyms
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, races, jobs, sector, africans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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