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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people work longer hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities .Does thid situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #thid #situation
Nowadays we cannot deny the fact that the number of workers is growing up in
the
Remove the article
apply
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every year. But they
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
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 to pay more attention to their
work
 rather than their interests. And I believe that if you like your profession the benefits of
this
 statement
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more than the backwards. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 positive and negative sides of the problem will confuse. First of all, it is not a secret that nobody sits on the sofa at their home when others
work
. And many of them
work
 hard. Because of
this
Add a comma
,this
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 they lost
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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interest
for
Change preposition
in
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 their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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. It is like listening to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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music.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
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 if you listen to the same music many times, you will
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
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an
Remove the article
apply
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interest in it. It works
samely
Correct article usage
the samely
show examples
 with
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
.
On the other hand
, if you like your
job
 you can rise up in your career.
For instance
, you have a lovely
job
. And you will
work
in
Change preposition
on
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 it by heart and hard, exactly your role in the
job
 will rise.
Furthermore
, if you really love your
job
 you will need
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 other hobbies. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
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 I want to say that if you love your
work
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of the said statement will be more than 
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
Submitted by azhangarasheva on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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