IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that companies should be allowed to collect data about customers freely, while others believe this practice should be restricted. Discuss both sides of this issue.

#people #companies #data #customers #practice
In the present age, whether companies should collect users'
data
 has sparked a lot of debate. Some people assert that there is no harm if companies collect customer
data
,
whereas
 others believe they must be stopped from doing the same. Personally, I am in favour of the latter view. Nowadays, the internet has become very cheap and almost available to everyone.
Firstly
, people use smartphones for almost three hours a day and generate a large amount of
data
.
For example
, a person who uses Instagram for thirty minutes daily generates almost two GB of
data
 including personal
information
.
Therefore
,
this
information
data
 can be used by an unauthorized person to gain an advantage using personal
information
 generated.
Secondly
, children are
also
 exposed to the internet in recent days. They use various streaming platforms without any restrictions.
Therefore
, they can be an easy target for showing a visual advertisement during the streaming of videos.
Thirdly
, some programs deal with health
information
.
For instance
, the app that provides the delivery of medicine has all the
data
 of the person who uses it.
Therefore
, they can be used for targeted advertisement.
Submitted by kishanpatel2550 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized
  • targeted
  • advertising
  • improved
  • products
  • services
  • efficient
  • decision-making
  • invasion
  • privacy
  • misuse
  • security
  • risks
  • manipulation
  • discrimination
  • consent
  • control
  • regulation
  • innovation
  • balance
  • convenience
  • implementing
  • protection
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • ethical
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