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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Task 2 '- Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statemen

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Childhood
obesity
 is a growing issue in Australia, with nearly two-thirds of
children
 now classified as overweight or obese. Some believe that
schools
 should take responsibility for monitoring students’ diets and
exercise
 to address
this
 problem.
While
 I agree that
schools
 have a role to play, I believe that the responsibility must
also
 be shared with
parents
 and the wider community.
Schools
 are in a unique position to influence
children
's habits, as students spend a large portion of their time there.
Schools
 can provide nutritious meals, eliminate unhealthy food options, and ensure students engage in physical activities like sports or gym classes. By integrating these measures,
schools
 can foster healthier lifestyles and reduce
obesity
 rates.
Furthermore
, encouraging active play during breaks and making physical education compulsory can ensure
children
 meet daily
exercise
 requirements.
However
, the role of
parents
 cannot be overlooked.
Parents
 control what
children
 eat at home, and they set the foundation for healthy or unhealthy habits. If
schools
 promote good practices but
children
 return home to poor diets or excessive screen time, the impact of school policies will be limited.
Therefore
, parental involvement is crucial in ensuring consistency between home and school environments.
Moreover
, society as a whole must contribute to solving
this
 problem. Governments and health authorities need to regulate junk food advertising aimed at
children
 and promote public health campaigns that educate families about balanced diets and
exercise
. Without these broader efforts,
schools
 alone cannot address the root causes of
obesity
. In conclusion,
while
schools
 should encourage healthy eating and
exercise
, the fight against childhood
obesity
 requires a collaborative approach involving
parents
,
schools
, and society at large to ensure lasting change.
Submitted by mhsawdeparthvi29 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples, such as particular programs or initiatives schools can undertake, or what specific measures parents can take.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a cohesive link between ideas.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear and thorough understanding of the task by discussing the roles of schools, parents, and the wider community in tackling childhood obesity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an effective introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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