IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

WRITE AN ESSAY IN WHICH YOU DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES OF USING TECHNOLOGY IN THE BUSINESS WORLD.

#technology #business #world
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The 21st century is brought a variety of changes to our lives,
for instance
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,
technology
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. Ultimately,
technology
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 has pervaded the business sector as well. In the developing
world
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,
businesses
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 have been finding a way to catch up with others easily, and
also
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 they desire to heat the competition. In light of
this
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, day by day,
businesses
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 have used
technology
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 to reach their aims,
such
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 as increasing marketing numbers and networks, so that they could eventually globalization all over the
world
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 and make a profit from it.
Businesses
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, because of what the capitalist
world
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 brings, have been trying to gain power and permanently boost their income through
technology
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. Using
technology
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 in marketing offers lots of options
such
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 as analyzing the customers and their
behivours
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behaviour
. For
businesses
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 determining the target group is one of the biggest steps to globalization. Statistical methods by using
technology
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 give valid and realistic numbers to
businesses
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, so they could arrange their time that groups' habits, and desires, or how to manipulate them.
For instance
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, a variety of social
media
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 allows that permission to make commercials for the target groups for a fee. Becoming visible and reachable gives a lot of credit to
businesses
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 making a gain through using
technology
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.
Furthermore
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, networking is one of the popular things nowadays thanks to social
media
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 and
businesses
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 take advantage of it as well. People from all walks of life use social
media
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 to increase their followers and visibility for interaction. Business, which makes collaborating with influencers or high-profit accounts earns more, and social
media
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 is one of the platforms to do
this
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. Managers or someone who is the charge is mostly aware of that fact, so they have been implementing their plans
according to
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 these strategies. Not only
businesses
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 but
also
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 influencers have been interacting with each other to increase their earnings. In conclusion,
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
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world
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 gives a lot of options
also
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its
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it's
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 necessarily
expecting
Wrong verb form
expected
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 from it back
ass
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as
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 well.
Businesses
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 need to run close the innovations for standing and competing the others.
Technology
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 offers benefits for marketing and networking that
important
Add a missing verb
are important
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 to analyze and figure out the customers, and
boos
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boost
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 the income too.
Businesses
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 should follow innovations in
technology
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 closely and embrace them.
Submitted by aylaaltintas1995 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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