IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case What problems can it cause.

#people #copy #behaviour #clothes #be #case
Base
Wrong verb form
Based
show examples
 on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 well develop generation ,
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
are imitate
Change the verb form
are imitated
are imitating
show examples
 and
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 by famous
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 and stars , the reason for
this
, I believed that they are developing their own image and developing their own image they are trying their way to build their sense of identity. On the one hand, some teenagers prefer to get dressed up well to meet their peers and get to
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of
idenitify
Correct your spelling
identity
identify
 from their peers, so they get used to
adapt
Wrong verb form
adapting
show examples
 what they learn and see from the media or
magazine
Fix the agreement mistake
magazines
show examples
. Since all the advertisements are spread widely among a new generation become a
tend
Correct your spelling
trend
show examples
, it
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people
admire
Fix the infinitive
to admire
show examples
 and imitate their style of dressing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous people are becoming role models for
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there are impact several problems.
Firstly
 , young society dressing very differently and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
update
Wrong verb form
updated
show examples
 to purchase their
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 might cause conflict with their
parents
.
Secondly
, if young society
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 blindly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
following the new
trendy
Correct your spelling
trends
show examples
 or model , it will
lost
Change the verb form
be lost
lose
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
wisely
Change the word
wise
show examples
 to
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 what they really need and want.
Thirdly
, when young people keep
purchase
Change the verb form
purchasing
show examples
 new
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
, it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 good for the environment and
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 sustainable. In conclusion, some youth
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of money on their
parents
.
This
lead
Replace the word
led
show examples
 to family financial problems.
this
 case causes problems for the
parents
 and
unsustainable
Correct article usage
an unsustainable
show examples
 environment, maybe
parents
 can guide their youth
think
Fix the infinitive
to think
show examples
 twice and wisely to build up their image,
confidently
Correct word choice
and confidently
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
identity
Replace the word
identify
show examples
 themselves with minimalism.
Submitted by crystal2005cps on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: