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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 200 to 2006

The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 200 to 2006
The bar illustrates the holistic
market
Use synonyms
share
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 of different kinds
digital
Change preposition
of digital
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games
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
sales
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 of handheld
games
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, online
games
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, and mobile
games
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 inclined,
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market
Correct article usage
the market
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share
Use synonyms
 of console
games
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 fell over the span. At the beginning of the loop
sales
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 of handheld
games
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 were twice as much as for console
console
Remove the redundancy
apply
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games
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 representing 12
billion
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 $. In the following
year
Add a comma
,year
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 picture did not change significantly, but online
games
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 started to
sale
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sell
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 and were almost 500 million $. In 2002
sales
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 of handheld
games
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 saw an
extrem
Correct your spelling
extreme
 increase of approximately 3
billion
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 $.
In addition
Linking Words
, mobile phone
games
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 appear
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
market
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share
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in
Change preposition
apply
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this
Linking Words
 year. From
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2003 to 2004 online
games
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 and mobile phone
games
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sales
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 went up noticeably
as well as
Linking Words
sales
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 of handheld
games
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
sales
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 of console
games
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 remained stable at about 5
billion
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 $. In 2005,
Use synonyms
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
share
Use synonyms
 of handheld
games
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 was almost 15$
billions
Change to singular
billion
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, which was a sum of all other sorts of
games
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.
Linking Words
At
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In
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 the end console
games
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sales
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 represented the lowest around 3
billion
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 $. Meanwhile, accounting for just below 18
billion
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 $ the
sales
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 of handheld
games
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 were the highest.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words market, share, games, sales, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Digital games
  • Trends
  • Emergence
  • Decline
  • Console games
  • Handheld games
  • Popularity
  • Steady increase
  • Online games
  • Mobile phone games
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer behavior
  • Subsequent growth
  • Noticeable changes
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