IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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These days, shopping has become one of the most popular
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of
lesirue
Correct your spelling
leisure
activity
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 among
adolscents
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adolescents
 in several countries. Nowadays adults like to buy new fashion
wears
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wear
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 and want to go with the trend
beacause
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because
 of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 usage of social media. In
this
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 essay,
i
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I
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 will
dicuss
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discuss
 about its pros and cons.
Firstly
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, in today's world students spend most of their
time
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 in schools, colleges and
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then
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apply
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universities, so they find very
less
Correct word choice
little
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time
Use synonyms
 to do any extra-curricular
Use synonyms
activity
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activities
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. Shopping can serve as a source of
activity
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 in which they can learn how to buy things
?.
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.
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 How to deal with different
kind
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kinds
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 of people
?.
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?
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On the other hand
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, adults learn how to manage their finances and shop stuff that they like. By
shopping
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shopping,
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 they move in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and learn about different fashion trends.
Secondly
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, in schools and
colleges
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colleges,
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 students have a lot of pressure to get good grades as
compeition
Correct your spelling
competition
 among the students
are
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is
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 increasing day by day.
As a result
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, they find no
time
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 to spend with friends, relatives and family. In that way, during
shopping
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shopping,
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 they can not only spend quality
time
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 with their loved ones but can
also
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 feel relaxed and
stress free
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stress-free
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.
For example
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, several young girls like to
do
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go
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 shopping with their friends and it gives them immense pleasure.
To conclude
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, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 shopping is a good form of
activity
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 for the youth. It has its own consequences like children can spend more
time
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, waste money on useless stuff, and their urge to buy new stuff but it can be combated by guiding them.

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coherence cohesion
The essay touches upon some relevant points, but it lacks depth and detailed analysis. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more engaging.
task response
The essay partially responds to the prompt, addressing both the reasons for shopping as a leisure activity and its positive/negative impact. However, the response lacks thorough exploration and analysis of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • consumer culture
  • material possession
  • social experience
  • disposable income
  • tech-savvy
  • convenience
  • fashion trends
  • overconsumption
  • economic stimulation
  • retail industry
  • materialism
  • debt
  • consumer spending
  • browsing
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