IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice

#people #women #chances #work #careers #woman’s #role #care #house #children #support #choice
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Most people in our
society
Use synonyms
 believe that
womens'
Change noun form
women's
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 is only to take care of the
children
Use synonyms
 and keep the house tidy and clean,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
women
Use synonyms
 should get equal chances in the work industry as men. I do believe that
women
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 represent half of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the major
role
Use synonyms
 they play in our lives. First of all, many individuals still think that
women
Use synonyms
 should just clean, cook and raise the
children
Use synonyms
. To put it differently, they think that
women
Use synonyms
 should pay more attention to
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 house duties because if she works,
she
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 won't give enough attention to
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. As a matter of fact,
women
Use synonyms
 are the first contributors in the kids' lives as she is the one that raise
children
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would affect our country's economy and
society
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 in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, most of our lifestyles include having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be responsible for
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 and their manners.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
women'
Change noun form
women's
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 might be bigger than just raising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 for the future,
women
Use synonyms
 have the ability to excel in their careers over men. It is important to realize that
women
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 are known as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multitasker
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. On the positive
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 she can take care of both her work and her house.
The
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 needs
teh
Correct your spelling
the
women
Use synonyms
 to be more
invoved
Correct your spelling
involved
 in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and to have dreams they try to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 can handle the stress and pressure in their job very well.
To sum up
Linking Words
, womens'
role
Use synonyms
 doesn't depend on being a
houswife
Correct your spelling
housewife
 but a
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 worker. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
women
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 can do whatever they want in order to become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
active
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 that
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societ
Correct your spelling
society
 positively.
Submitted by malak.ayman1 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender equality
  • Women empowerment
  • Breaking stereotypes
  • Equal opportunities
  • Career advancement
  • Progressive societies
  • Work-life balance
  • Changing perceptions
  • Successful women
What to do next:
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