Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It has been seen from ancient times,
women
Correct word choice
that women
show examples
care
for their
children
with enthusiasm and they exert lots of effort for the nourishment of their
children
but
on the other hand
,
males
are quite busy with many things. So, they do not give most of their time to the development of
children
still
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it is a debatable statement and I will express my views in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, many
women
are free and they do not go for any work
as well as
they are mothers of their kids. So, they think that the development of their
children
is an essential task
as well as
a duty for them.
Moreover
, mothers are very curious about their child and they believe that their child is everything to them.
As a result
,
women
focus on every baby step of their sons or daughters.
For example
, as I reside in India
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, I have seen the attachment of mothers towards their
children
in many places and
women
can do anything for their
children
.
Additionally
, whenever their
children
fall into any problems,
women
immediately start caring and asking about problems. On the paradoxical side, in the modern world,
males
and females are playing vital roles in the enhancement of their
children
.
Furthermore
, as
women
are
also
going to work and associated with various things,
males
also
care
for their
children
equally.
Although
males
do not have much idea about it, they take some help from the internet or relatives to complete all the needs of the
children
.
For example
, I am giving a real example of my life. It was
last
year when my younger brother, unfortunately, got sick and within ten minutes my father came and took him to the hospital
as well as
he exerted all efforts to treat my brother.
Hence
fathers
also
know very well how to
care
for their
children
.
To conclude
,
Women
definitely
care
in a different way but
raising
Rephrase
when raising
show examples
children
,
males
also
contribute equally irrespective of any situation. As I mentioned above, for the growth of any child
males
and females play the same role because
when
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in the end they are their parents or
caretaker
Fix the agreement mistake
caretakers
show examples
.
Submitted by itsjeet2107 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the given prompt but lacks a clear stance on the issue. There is a need to express a coherent opinion on whether women should focus more on childcare. More supporting arguments are required to validate the perspective.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay displays a logical sequence of ideas but lacks consistency in maintaining a clear position throughout. There is a need to use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas and maintain a cohesive and coherent flow of information.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary caregivers
  • biological factors
  • maternal instincts
  • nurturing
  • workforce
  • career growth
  • income equality
  • family dynamics
  • shared responsibility
  • gender stereotypes
  • economic disparities
  • traditional roles
  • modern family
  • active roles in childcare
  • opportunity and support
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