Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It has been seen from ancient times,
women
Correct word choice
that women
care
for their children
with enthusiasm and they exert lots of effort for the nourishment of their children
but on the other hand
, males
are quite busy with many things. So, they do not give most of their time to the development of children
still
it is a debatable statement and I will express my views in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, many Rephrase
apply
women
are free and they do not go for any work as well as
they are mothers of their kids. So, they think that the development of their children
is an essential task as well as
a duty for them. Moreover
, mothers are very curious about their child and they believe that their child is everything to them. As a result
, women
focus on every baby step of their sons or daughters. For example
, as I reside in India so
, I have seen the attachment of mothers towards their Rephrase
apply
children
in many places and women
can do anything for their children
.Additionally
, whenever their children
fall into any problems, women
immediately start caring and asking about problems.
On the paradoxical side, in the modern world, males
and females are playing vital roles in the enhancement of their children
. Furthermore
, as women
are also
going to work and associated with various things, males
also
care
for their children
equally. Although
males
do not have much idea about it, they take some help from the internet or relatives to complete all the needs of the children
.For example
, I am giving a real example of my life. It was last
year when my younger brother, unfortunately, got sick and within ten minutes my father came and took him to the hospital as well as
he exerted all efforts to treat my brother. Hence
fathers also
know very well how to care
for their children
.
To conclude
, Women
definitely care
in a different way but raising
Rephrase
when raising
children
, males
also
contribute equally irrespective of any situation. As I mentioned above, for the growth of any child males
and females play the same role because when
in the end they are their parents or Rephrase
apply
caretaker
.Fix the agreement mistake
caretakers
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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the given prompt but lacks a clear stance on the issue. There is a need to express a coherent opinion on whether women should focus more on childcare. More supporting arguments are required to validate the perspective.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay displays a logical sequence of ideas but lacks consistency in maintaining a clear position throughout. There is a need to use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas and maintain a cohesive and coherent flow of information.