IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is a lively debate nowadays about which parents can do better care of their
children
Use synonyms
. There is a belief that
children
Use synonyms
 are the responsibility of
women
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
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they should focus on raising
heir
Use the right word
their
show examples
 neither on their careers. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I shall discuss my point of view in ahead paragraph. It has been considered since the beginning child is the liability of the mother ,not the father.
Women
Use synonyms
's duty is only to take care of the scion and the house
neither
Punctuation problem
, neither
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 careers nor taking care of themselves.
This
Linking Words
 argument has been raised for decades,
men
Correct word choice
that men
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 are only to earn money. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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In
Fix capitalization
in
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 present times
this
Linking Words
 thought is truly wrong. Men and
women
Use synonyms
 are equally responsible for household duties
as well as
Linking Words
children
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. Especially,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 the urban world,
women
Use synonyms
 are independent and graduate, they are able to do jobs as well
run
Correct word choice
as run
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 the business.
For instance
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 research
tons
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, tons
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 of
women
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 are doing both, they are raising their
children
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as well as
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 earning money. They are not dependent on any men. That said , there should be gender equality.
This
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 issue persists in female-dominated lives;
however
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, there are plenty of reasons why
women
Use synonyms
 should
only focus
Rephrase
not focus only
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 on the house or childcare.
For example
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 India
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, Due
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Due
Fix capitalization
due
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 to a lack of knowledge in small countries
girls
Punctuation problem
, girls
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 are not allowed to study or do any other activity.
In addition
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, in some
,
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apply
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countries
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women
Punctuation problem
, women
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 are not even allowed to go out for small things. It is generally accepted that equality is a must
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 only
then
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every
Correct word order
can every
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 country
of
Change preposition
in
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 the world
can
Correct word order
apply
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grow.
To conclude
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, we should make a positive change. At some
point
Punctuation problem
point,
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 most importantly, I personally believe that freedom and independence must be for
women
Use synonyms
. Raising offspring is both
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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responsibility
Check wording
apply
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.

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tip
Plan your answer. Say if you agree or not in one line at the start.
tip
Use one idea per paragraph. Start with your point, then proof.
tip
Make your ideas clear. Use short and simple sentences.
tip
Check for spell and big letter errors at the start of words.
tip
Give real facts or life examples, not too many places.
tip
End with a short restating view.
idea
The writer shows a clear view that women can take many roles, not only house work.
idea
There are attempts to give life proof in the text.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary caregivers
  • biological factors
  • maternal instincts
  • nurturing
  • workforce
  • career growth
  • income equality
  • family dynamics
  • shared responsibility
  • gender stereotypes
  • economic disparities
  • traditional roles
  • modern family
  • active roles in childcare
  • opportunity and support
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