IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that public health is the responsilibility of the government while others think that people should be responsbile for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #health #responsilibility #government #responsbile
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A healthy lifestyle is essential for personal well-being. As per
people
's views, it is the responsibility of the
government
 to provide quality services,
on the other hand
, individuals should be held accountable for their energy. As per country policy, the
government
 is in charge of
people
's fitness,
hence
 should be answerable for residents' health. Authority can provide concession and sponsorship so that
people
 can have access to a better hospital.
Furthermore
, pollutant-free environments and parks are required to be established which comes under the duty of the
government
.
For instance
,
due to
 the high inflation rate in Pakistan,
people
 are still using old vehicles and enhancing pollution from their exhaust.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should take the
initiatives
Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
show examples
 to control factors that are directly impacting a person's vigour and vitality.
People
 are not cautious about their routines and some believe that they are liable for health-related consequences. Even though there are multiple facilities available, a non-serious attitude eventually has injurious effects. Smokers and diet imbalance are normal issues that most cases occurred.
For instance
, In ,Pakistan
people
 are fond of eating fast food which results in weak metabolism at an early age.
People
's impractical approach can mislead them towards unhealthy results.
To conclude
,
although
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide adequate
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
 for a better lifestyle, an individual
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some duties that need to be fulfilled. In my opinion, governance and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 both have a significant commitment towards agility.
For instance
, even though I had many resources around, I
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not prefer to go ground for exercise.
Submitted by ned.khizar on

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task response
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization and transition between ideas for better coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public health
  • Healthcare services
  • Healthy living
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Government intervention
  • Vaccination programs
  • Regulate industries
  • Personal responsibility
  • Health initiatives
  • Socio-economic inequalities
  • Informed health decisions
  • Containment
  • Pandemics
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