IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that public health is the responsilibility of the government while others think that people should be responsbile for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #health #responsilibility #government #responsbile
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A healthy lifestyle is essential for personal well-being. As per
people
Use synonyms
's views, it is the responsibility of the
government
Use synonyms
 to provide quality services,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals should be held accountable for their energy. As per country policy, the
government
Use synonyms
 is in charge of
people
Use synonyms
's fitness,
hence
Linking Words
 should be answerable for residents' health. Authority can provide concession and sponsorship so that
people
Use synonyms
 can have access to a better hospital.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, pollutant-free environments and parks are required to be established which comes under the duty of the
government
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the high inflation rate in Pakistan,
people
Use synonyms
 are still using old vehicles and enhancing pollution from their exhaust.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should take the
initiatives
Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
show examples
 to control factors that are directly impacting a person's vigour and vitality.
People
Use synonyms
 are not cautious about their routines and some believe that they are liable for health-related consequences. Even though there are multiple facilities available, a non-serious attitude eventually has injurious effects. Smokers and diet imbalance are normal issues that most cases occurred.
For instance
Linking Words
, In ,Pakistan
people
Use synonyms
 are fond of eating fast food which results in weak metabolism at an early age.
People
Use synonyms
's impractical approach can mislead them towards unhealthy results.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide adequate
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
 for a better lifestyle, an individual
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some duties that need to be fulfilled. In my opinion, governance and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 both have a significant commitment towards agility.
For instance
Linking Words
, even though I had many resources around, I
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not prefer to go ground for exercise.
Submitted by ned.khizar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization and transition between ideas for better coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public health
  • Healthcare services
  • Healthy living
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Government intervention
  • Vaccination programs
  • Regulate industries
  • Personal responsibility
  • Health initiatives
  • Socio-economic inequalities
  • Informed health decisions
  • Containment
  • Pandemics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: