IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A glance at the two charts provided reveals what
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
UK graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
did not go to full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 did after leaving college in 2008.
Accoring
Correct your spelling
According
 to the first chart,the
number
Use synonyms
 of
graduated
Change the form of the verb
graduate
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 who had a tendency to continue their
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 in
Linking Words
further
Add an article
the further
show examples
 study was 29,665 IN 2008.As it is clear,the
number
Use synonyms
 of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 and
students
Use synonyms
 who found
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time work has
a striking similarities
Correct the article-noun agreement
striking similarities
a striking similarity
show examples
 in their trends with 16,235 and 17,735
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 respectively.In
addittion
Correct your spelling
addition
,
students
Use synonyms
 had less interest in doing voluntary jobs with just 3.500
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,postgraduates
students
Use synonyms
 first of all,who selected
further
Linking Words
 study after their university was at the peak of 2.725
students
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
students
Correct article usage
the students
show examples
 who
choosed
Correct your spelling
chose
show examples
 part-time work was about 2.535 and
student
Use synonyms
 who attended
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
voluntary work was just a low of
500student
Correct your spelling
500 students
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the
number
Use synonyms
 of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 after postgraduate stood at 1.625
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 in 2008.
To sum up
Linking Words
,in both groups,the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who had
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 inclination to join university for another study had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerably bigger than the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who joined
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Submitted by marzieh.kiani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, number, student with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: