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Band 6

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life #extents
There is no denying the fact that the main impact of raising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids
 by fathers is arguable.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that females may raise the
kids
 better than males,
therefore
, women need to raise their
kids
 and
stopping
Wrong verb form
stop
show examples
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will shed light upon why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe
this
. On the one hand, females must raise the
kids
 and stay at home with them
instead
 of going to
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
, as the children require certain treatment which is hard to be found in males.
For instance
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couples get married and decide to have a
child
, they should understand the impact of having
unraised
Add an article
an unraised
show examples
well
Change the adverb
good
show examples
child
.
In other words
, the nature of the women is different
than
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 males, she can understand more about her
kids
,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 the
kids
 usually can speak
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
 problems with their mother.
Thus
, it becomes apparent that
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 should raise her
child
 and considers the responsibility.
Moreover
,
mom
Fix the agreement mistake
moms
show examples
 may require to focus more on
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
kids
 as most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
juveniles
Add an article
the juveniles
show examples
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in deadly issues
such
 as drug abuse.
For instance
, teenagers may get affected by the school atmosphere, not everyone is raised well as each person from
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 environment.
Subsequently
, a mom must consider
such
 stories happening in the school between juveniles and protect her
child
 by direct supervision as
this
 should be her main goal in life. Indeed,
this
 makes it clear that focusing on children and monitoring them is the main job
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a mom. In conclusion, in my opinion, I consider that mother should focus on her
kids
 more than her job as
this
 is the main job in her life.
Submitted by pt_maha on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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