IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many museums charge admission fee while others are free. Do the advantage of charging people to visit a museum outweigh the disadvantage?

#museums #charge #admission #fee #advantage #people #visit #museum
Museums
 are one of the most important
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 to show their
culture
 and ancient times.Meanwhile,some
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 around the world
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 no permission fee.On contrary,some
museums
 have
entry
Add an article
an entry
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
.I think there are some merits and demerits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both of them.I am going to discuss both in
this
 essay with some
releavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 examples. On the one hand,some
museums
 in many
countries
charging
Wrong verb form
charge
show examples
 for permission.The reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they need
money
 to spend
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
rehabilitation
Correct article usage
the rehabilitation
show examples
 and reconstruction of the historical places or
museums
as well as
 they should hire
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 staff to keep the
museum
 clean and provide the safety
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museum
.As we know,
museums
 keep numerous
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of valuable objects
such
 as photos,
painting
Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
show examples
,
gold
Correct word choice
and gold
show examples
 or traditional clothes that they remained from our ancestors.They are worthy and valuable for each
culture
.
In addition
,in some cases when
people
 do not pay
money
 for entrance they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 understand how the
museums
 can be valuable.
For example
,around the
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 there are many
people
 who enter free
museums
 and because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
staff
Change preposition
of staff
show examples
 or
observation
Add a comma
,observation
show examples
 they harm or scratch valuable
object
Fix the agreement mistake
objects
show examples
.
On the other hand
,every
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 or city can gain benefits when they offer facilities to their tourist.
Firstly
,every part of the world has its own
culture
 and custom.Every society
exposure
Replace the word
exposed
show examples
 some parts of its
culture
 in
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
museum
.If their
museum
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 free they can encourage
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 to come to their
countries
 and being familiar with their
culture
 and in
this
 way tourists spend
money
 on
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 in host
countries
instead
 of
museums
.
Furthermore
,many poor
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are interested to see
museums
 but they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have much
money
 to spend on
museums
 or historical places.When
museums
 are free all
people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
money
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 can experience
enjoyable
Add an article
an enjoyable
the enjoyable
show examples
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 when they see
Add an article
the
a
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
museum
.
To sum up
,the best way to save
museums
 healthy and safe we
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 spend
money
 on them,the best way to survive them is
charging
Change the verb form
to charge
show examples
 small and moderate
money
 from visitors to let
people
 enjoy seeing
Add an article
the museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
as well as
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 them intact at the same time.
Submitted by marzieh.kiani on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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