More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. What are the most serious problems associated with obesity and what solutions can you suggest?

It is true that in developed countries,
Obesity
is a huge peril for teenagers. Because it can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to seak adults in the future. In
this
essay I would say about the problems
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
created
Change the verb form
be created
show examples
by
obesity
and I will suggest some solutions to tackle it.
Obesity
is a crisis that has a lot of effects on
chilrens
Correct your spelling
children
health. In countries
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
life quality is high, getting fat is popular along young people. It can
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
some results like diabetes type 2, blood pressure, cardiovascular troubles or even brain and heart
storkes
Correct your spelling
strokes
. diabetes type 2 is directly related to inactivity and fatness.
In addition
, all other
poited
Correct your spelling
points
which are mentioned
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a direct relation with
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of
activeness
Replace the word
activity
show examples
in children. So, increasing
teenagers
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teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
activties
Correct your spelling
activities
is a solution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
issue. For
this
purpose, it is serious to make young people
activer
Change the word
more active
show examples
than before.
Firstly
, I would talk about sport time in schools. Government should take a decision about raising sport time in schools in order to
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
scion's inactivity. By doing
this
,
younests
Correct your spelling
youngsters
can have more time to
being
Change the form of the verb
be
show examples
active and it
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them happier and
motivated
Correct quantifier usage
more motivated
show examples
.
Secondly
, competitions in cities in sports by giving prizes is a good idea to
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
them active. they contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
mathes
Correct your spelling
maths
and have fun and body movements.
Finally
, using some applications for computer games like
kinects
Correct your spelling
Kinect
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
prevent them to be motionless.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
concusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
concussion
,
obesity
in
younest
Correct your spelling
youngest
is a crisis that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them sick ,
Although
we can prevent the results of
obesity
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
some activation programs.
Submitted by arsalan.azizzadeh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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