IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think thaqt children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion?

#people #thaqt #children #time #activities #waste
Holidays
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 time for every teenager. I’m doing a project on how teenagers spend their
summer
 holidays in Zetland. In order to complete my project I have found some data on the subject. The statistics are in the table, and I will analyze them below. The survey has revealed several significant facts. Teenagers enjoy staying at home in the leading position with 39%. The second biggest group of teenagers has chosen Visiting relatives which is 26%.
However
, there are certain items to compare. The present report vividly shows the gap between those young boys and girls who
chosen
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
Staying
Change the verb form
to stay
show examples
 at home and
Going
Wrong verb form
Go
show examples
 to a youth
summer
 camp (39% and 4% respectively).
This
 is quite evident
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 teens prefer sitting
ato
Correct your spelling
at
 home and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 computer games than go outside.
On the contrary
, there is a slight difference between Going to a youth
summer
 camp and Going to the mountains (4% and 14% respectively). One problem that can arise with spending
summer
 holidays is
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 for very long that can cause vision problems. To solve
this
 problem, I think parents should control their children and children have to
understang
Correct your spelling
understand
 that gadgets can
negativetely
Correct your spelling
negatively
 affect vision. n conclusion, I think that the best way of spending
summer
Correct article usage
a summer
show examples
 holiday is a trip to
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
contry
Correct your spelling
country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because you can learn a lot of new things.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: