Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is a common impression that an occupation brings both a salary for living and the development of social bonding among colleagues, second place, wages are the priority of employees, which allows them to earn a living and have a reasonable quality of life. It is irrefutable that whenever a worker gets a raise or receives a salary, not only their mood at the workplace but
while
some are of the opinion that people should widen their companionship in society with others outside of the workplace. In my perspective, even though some benefits of both views can be plainly seen, I would utterly concur with the latter one.
On the one hand, some of the considerable reasons why a job brings an ideal salary and a social life are depicted. In the first place, social connections at the job can be fostered when colleagues have shared interests. For instance
, individuals gain mutual understanding by increasing the duration of time working together and overcoming obstacles together, which results in a close-knit bond. InAdd an article
the
also
their performance improves.
On the other hand
, socializing outside of the industry might trigger positive effects as well. Thanks to personal relationships unrelated to work, people are capable of broadening their horizons in various areas. For instance
, if a white-collar worker has regularly experienced a sedentary lifestyle and made friends with a doctor, advice for relieving back pain from his friend is highly beneficial. Additionally
, it is better for employees to keep a certain distance from each other to maintain professionalism. There might be no reduction in productivity in case the working environment is not too friendly.
In conclusion, while
employees can obtain both wages and social companionship at the workplace, I personally believe relationships in society should be suitably built outside of work.Submitted by dothuy.usd on
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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, you should ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next with clear topic sentences and cohesive devices. Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more naturally.
Task Achievement
For task response, make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should discuss both sides of the argument and provide a clear personal opinion. Expand on your examples to better illustrate your points for a more comprehensive response.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite