IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases #development
As humanity has progressed,
technology
 has
also
 advanced. We have made great strides in
technology
 from the invention of the telephone by Graham Bell in the 19th century to the iPhone by Steve Jobs in the 21st century. As
technology
 has progressed, there has been an increase in the use of gadgets to monitor
people
.
However
,
such
 monitoring has both positive and negative effects. The use of CCTV cameras is common in shops and malls to help employers keep an eye on their employees, which can result in more efficient work. For travelling employees, GPS tracking can prevent false report-ins. CCTV cameras can
also
 help prevent shoplifting or identify shoplifters through footage.
However
, there are
also
 potential drawbacks to monitoring
people
 through
technology
.
For example
, CCTV cameras in trial rooms to prevent shoplifting can inadvertently capture someone naked
while
 trying on clothes. Continuous monitoring of employees can
also
 lead to dissatisfaction and ultimately result in them quitting.
Additionally
, if individuals become aware of the monitoring, the source can become vulnerable to manipulation or public exposure. Despite the potential drawbacks, I believe that monitoring through
technology
 has more advantages than disadvantages. Monitoring in public places can increase safety and security, as police and security personnel can track suspects' mobile phone conversations to prevent crime. Camera footage can
also
 be used as evidence to catch and convict criminals. In conclusion, the advantages of monitoring
people
 through
technology
 outweigh the disadvantages.
However
, it is important to take steps to ensure that monitoring does not harm
people
's privacy and integrity, even if they are unaware they are being monitored.
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: