The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the proportion of sports by females and males on a regular basis in 2010. The comparison was made
according to
Linking Words
their
age
Use synonyms
ranges, namely 15 to 24, 25 to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54, 55 to 64, and 65 and over. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
perspective, it is readily apparent that females are generally more active than males.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the widest disparity between the activity of men and women was in their 35-44
age
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
the chart, both genders do approximately the same amount of sports in the given year when they were 65 years old and more. (The proportion was 45%) The only
age
Use synonyms
group in that men are more active than women was 15 to 24 and the percentages are roughly 52% and 47% respectively.
This
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
range was
also
Linking Words
the time period when males are the most sportive in general. Women have the most tendency to move between 45 and 54 ages,
while
Linking Words
they were the least sportive after the
age
Use synonyms
of 65.
Submitted by emineknc on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • Percentage
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participation
  • Age group
  • Trend
  • Significant
  • Notable
  • Gender gap
  • Comparative analysis
  • Consistent
  • Decline
  • Progressive
  • Conversely
  • Motivations
  • Barriers
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