IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree?

#people #travel #country
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After the pandemic, the number of population travelling abroad is significantly rising.
While
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 some argue that those who come to foreign countries should be more prevalent and considerate to others compared to others, I, to some degree, agree with
this
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 opinion. But I believe that
this
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 depends on the purpose of the trip.
To begin
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 with, if the goal of travelling is to simply enjoy the culture the country has to offer, people tend to be tolerant of the things. The language and customs that they are accustomed to, are completely
blinds
Fix the agreement mistake
blind
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 in other nations. Tourists accept
this
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 fact and choose to visit there for adventure.
Moreover
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, finding out the culture shocks and enjoying is one of the things that a majority of tourists are looking for.
On the other hand
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, those who come to different countries for a plan that does not relate to tourism
such
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 as business trips, tend to feel stressed about unexpected events. Their aim of the trip is to ensure their business going smoothly. If there are any difficulties happening on their task because of cultural differences, they will be easy to be frustrated. In conclusion,
while
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 some claim that people going abroad are more likely to have a tolerance toward things, I believe
this
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is depending
Wrong verb form
depends
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 on the purposes of their trip. Those who travel
for exploring
Change preposition
to explore
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 new interests are willing to stand hardships.
However
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, it would be harder for people who are there for their job purpose to react in the same way as tourists do.
Submitted by akiyamam on

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coherence and cohesion
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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