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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Schools all around the world are experiencing
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 attitude from students.
This
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 issue is influenced by many reasons, and some of the main factors are the lack of awareness and
guidance
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 in how to deal with stressful times, and not possessing the knowledge or tools to deal with
such
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 stress effectively. Equipping
kids
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 with the needed tools to navigate and overcome problems is the key to resolving most of their behavioural issues. Bad behaviour from
kids
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,
such
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 as skipping classes, bullying, and being rude, often draws attention to bigger problems that elicited the reaction. When youngsters go through tough times without the
guidance
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 of a trusted adult, they most likely will cope with their struggles in a manner
that is
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 considered inappropriate. A good example is my young cousin
who
Punctuation problem
, who
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 was never taught about the serious effects of cigarettes. She fully believed that smoking would at most give you a bad cough.
This
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 clearly shows that in a lot of cases, children display bad behaviour because of the lack of
guidance
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 that should be addressed. I strongly believe that it is crucial to spend time and effort to teach
kids
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 the suitable methods to soothe their stress. Education should exceed the curriculum to reach emotional well-being.
For instance
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, an emotional awareness subject could be taught in schools to broaden their knowledge about their own emotions
as well as
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 others’. In conclusion, the attitude shown by
kids
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 should refer to the underlying issue. Children require actual support and
guidance
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 to help them regulate their emotions.
Thus
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, control their behaviour.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly: causes and solutions.
task response
Add one more clear cause, not only stress and lack of help.
task response
Give stronger solution details and explain how they work in school.
task response
Use examples that match school behaviour more closely.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and develop it fully.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like because, so, for example, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a bit long; shorten them for clearer flow.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas are easy to follow in most parts.
task response
You give causes and at least one solution.
task response
The essay stays on the topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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