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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Social media websites have amused large user bases. Do the advantages of being a part of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #websites #user #bases #part
In
this
 contemporary era, mass media pages are the most part of
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life. They become amused
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 websites,
however
, there are some negative impacts in the
missusing
Correct your spelling
misusing
 of them. In
this
 essay, I would
metion
Correct your spelling
mention
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of using these platforms. To commence with,
firstly
, a lot of people have many opportunities to show themselves or their services and goods to others,
for example
 selling their
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 and painting without having any special galleries or showing their acts and abilities to become famous. In continue, for the second advantage, I can mention making hobbies for elder people,
for instance
,
grand parents
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
 can spend their time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching funny video clips and get amused.
Thirdly
, everyone can read news
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media and be up-to-date about events around the world.
On the other hand
, in order to
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of social
media
Add a comma
,media
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 I can notice some reasons, as a shining example health problems are the biggest
crisises
Correct your spelling
crisis
 that you can see in people who watch these websites. either physical or mental problems. Staying inactive makes everyone sick,
such
 as
heart
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with heart
show examples
 and brain diseases and obesity or depressing as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental
injouries
Correct your spelling
injuries
.
Wasing
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Wasting
 time is one other bad effect, in fact, you do not achieve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any important thing if you see a funny video clip, in
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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, you
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
just
loose
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lose
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 your life and gain nothing. In conclusion, online social pages have some positive and negative points in our
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and we must manage them to use
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 benefits without
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 anything.
Submitted by arsalan.azizzadeh on

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