Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Talking about the rising of obesity in our society, especially among our

children

Use synonyms

, I think it's fair to say that it’s the product of wrong treatment in our social system. Some people believe that

parents

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, as the significant others of the youngster, are responsible for

this

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cause to happen,

however

Linking Words

, some

also

Linking Words

believe that government is

also

Linking Words

has a big impact on the rising obesity among

children

Use synonyms

. In my view, both are responsible for that. To start with, there are many reasons why

parents

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are responsible for that event. First and foremost, a lot of

parents

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have limited resources for education, especially about child nutrition or child development, so they feed their

children

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whatever they think or feel is right for them. Without being concerned about the ingredients and/or the process of the food given.

This

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

supported by the number of fast-food restaurants that are easier and nearer to find nowadays, so that for the sake of simplicity, the

parents

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will bring their

children

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to go there

instead

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or order the food from home,

instead

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of giving their

children

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a home-cooked meal which is supposed to be healthier.

On the other hand

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, the government is

also

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responsible for that because at some point they didn’t use their authority to limit the distribution of fast foods restaurant and to ban ultra-processed food (UPF) products which use some apply unhealthy ingredients in the process.

For example

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, the price given for the UPF products which have bad ingredients is usually very cheap and accessible to many economic society levels rather than the price of organic foods. In conclusion, I would say that it’s our - as for

parents

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and governments - homework to bring back healthy lifestyles to our heirs. They need us to show which one is right or wrong, especially regarding their eating habits. So that, in the future they will teach and keep their child better than us and the cause of obesity will decrease.

nurani.arimbi

Mar 14, 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

327 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
government policies
food industry
sugary foods
dietary habits
marketing strategies
advertisements
physical activity
childhood obesity
socioeconomic factors
healthy lifestyles
education campaigns
nutrition
food choices
healthy examples

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