the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country betweeb 2011 and 2018

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Given is a line chart which indicates the number of stores that were closed and started in 2011

as well as

Linking Words

2018 in a nation. Obviously,both of the mentioned numbers failed in these 7 years compared to the beginning . To look closely at these figures, in 2011, approximately 8500 stores were opened yet nearly 6500 were closed. Both of them decreased in 2012, and the closures and openings reached a bit lesser than 6000 and 4000. Before 2014,the figure for new shops have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

noticeable

Change the word

noticeably

show examples

rose within two years,

however

Linking Words

,the other climbed a bit but fell back too. In 2014 and 2015,the shutdowns showed dramatic changes ,from around 6500 fluctuated to merely 500, representing the lowest number in

this

Linking Words

graph

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but rocketed over 5000. Meanwhile, the total of just-opened stores declined and didn't alter much until 2017.

Finally

Linking Words

, these counterparts slightly increased and decreased with the ending number of roughly 5000 and 3000 respectively.

Submitted by nanatsui on Wed Mar 15 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.

▼

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

153 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?
Owing to the economic crisis, nowadays, many people tend to do more than one job in all over the world. There is a legislation that shortlisting must not be influenced by candidates's age in some countries. This is a positive development since person's rights cannot mitigated by age. This essay will discuss how this phenominan can get as a positive development.
9
band
Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The persistence of poverty worldwide has raised concerns about the effectiveness of financial aid. In my opinion, developed countries should utilize other non-monetary measures including educational opportunities to ensure the eradication of poverty.
6.5
band
Traffic on roads has become a problem in nearly every country in the world. What can be done to reduce the amount of traffic at a society level? What could individuals do to help?
Traffic congestion has become a significant obstacle all over the world. However, several efforts can be implemented to tackle this issue at a societal level, and people can conduct a variety of initiatives to support such efforts. This essay will examine the practical solutions to overcome traffic congestion.
8
band
You have recently been in a sports centre and noticed some issues in the changing rooms. Write a letter of complaint to the manager of the centre and say – What was the problem? – Explain why it is bothering you. – Suggest a possible solution.
The reason I am writing to you is to express my concerns about the change made in the rooms.
5
band
Some believe that secondary school children should study international news like other subjects in school, while others believe that this is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowaday, various sectors in the whole world have been developed in positive ways so quickly in years, specifically in technology. These bring an assumption that as a human, we have to expand our sight to see what happened in world today. Some people believe that it must be begin at a very young age, particularly for secondary school childern. On the opposite, those believe that it just unnecessary thing and waste of times However, in my oppinion, childern must be prepared to face the real world by having a strong mental, critical thinking, open mind and wise perspective about the real world, which they can learn from international news.

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country betweeb 2011 and 2018

In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Traffic on roads has become a problem in nearly every country in the world. What can be done to reduce the amount of traffic at a society level? What could individuals do to help?

You have recently been in a sports centre and noticed some issues in the changing rooms. Write a letter of complaint to the manager of the centre and say – What was the problem? – Explain why it is bothering you. – Suggest a possible solution.

Some believe that secondary school children should study international news like other subjects in school, while others believe that this is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.