IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Scientists advise people to lead a healthy lifestyle, but most people continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think it is and what can do with it?

#scientists #people #lifestyle #activities
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Scientists advise people to be healthy, but most
citizens
 keep going with unhealthy
activities
. Why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it is and What
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can do with it will be explained in the following paragraph. One of the most obvious reasons why commoners keep doing unhealthy
activities
 is laziness.
this
 causes negative effects on people’s
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.
For instance
,
according to
 a recent study from the Faculty of Science, at Harvard University, 80% of U.S.
citizens
 tend to eat junk foods more than nutrient-dense foods
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 taste and convenience. Being not used to changing eating is another issue that
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 people to have bodyweight
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. To solve
this
 problem, the government should
lunch
Correct your spelling
launch
show examples
 a campaign for
citizens
 to be healthier
such
 as running. To illustrate
this
, a survey recently concluded by BBC News revealed that one-fourths of
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
show examples
 willingly do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
activities
 4 days a week and change
eating
Correct pronoun usage
their eating
show examples
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 for their health
due to
 the campaign.
furthermore
, the government should have to promote
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
awareness of
commoners
Change noun form
commoners'
commoner's
show examples
 health.
To conclude
, Why most
citizens
 keep going with unhealthy
activities
 is
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their laziness
as well as
 their bad
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
What to do with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
lunch
Correct your spelling
launch
show examples
 a campaign and promote
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health awareness.
Submitted by amittawin on

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task achievement
Work on improving clarity and grammatical accuracy in your sentences. For example, 'Why i think it is and What i can do with it will be explained in the following paragraph' should be 'Why I think this is the case and what can be done about it will be explained in the following paragraphs.'
task achievement
Consider providing more comprehensive responses by expanding on your ideas. For instance, the role of unhealthy lifestyle advertisements, or social influences to further explore why people continue unhealthy habits.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by linking ideas more explicitly. Use more transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally,' to maintain the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed and offers a final insight or call to action on the issue discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in organizing thoughts.
task achievement
You've included examples to support your points, like the surveys from Harvard and BBC which are effective in illustrating your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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