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Band 5

People are surrounded by advertising. This both affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays
people
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 spend more and more time on their phones or computers where a person could encounter a lot of adverts. These promotions have become influential on
people
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’s choices and way of living. These influences could be negative
as well as
Linking Words
 positive and in
this
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essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will present the reasons why. First of all, the advertisement can change
people
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’s perspective on certain topics of products.
In other words
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, the promotion of false information could interfere with the
health
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 of a person.
For example
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, in the middle of a
pandemic
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,pandemic
show examples
 some
people
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 were not so convinced that vaccines could stop the virus from spreading.
Therefore
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, citizens and some government officials were advertising to not get vaccinated and
this
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 was backed up by false information or beliefs.
In
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As
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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, a lot of unvaccinated
people
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 got sick and in many
cases
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,cases
show examples
 the sickness was the cause of death. Another example of the changed perspective on
health
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 would be abusing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vitamins
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. Because of the pandemic
people
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 were more concerned about their
health
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. The one way to stay immune to
disease
Add an article
a disease
show examples
 was to drink
vitamins
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, which the companies knew and were advertising the supplements more. Because they are not as regulated as medicine the manufacturers can make
vitamins
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however
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 they want even by exceeding the limit of vitamin intake. Using too
much
Change the quantifier
many
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vitamins
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 in some cases can not absorb into the body as well, but mostly it can cause some illnesses or other
health
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 problems.
On the other hand
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, adverts could have advantages too. Because of the
adverts
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,adverts
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 have more choices. Today it is hard to find everything and keep in touch with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new products or improvements.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
promotions online or on
radio
Add an article
the radio
show examples
 are a great way to make
people
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 aware of something new.
Moreover
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, the public not only has more things to choose from
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 has enough to compare between and
then
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 take the best one. In conclusion, there are cons
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 like the possibility to impact a person's choice negatively and lead to
health
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 problems or even death. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
happened with vaccines
in
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during
show examples
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
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 or overdosing on
vitamins
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.
However
Linking Words
, there is a bright side
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 promotion. The advertisement of new products lets
people
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 keep in touch with improvements or broaden the choice between the objects.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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