IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #success #career #education
In recent years, we have been exposed to a variety of stories that
narrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
narrate
show examples
 how people gained prestige ,
sucsess
Correct your spelling
success
 and power pursuing their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, but those are in reality
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 rare.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, in my opinion, the average adult is inclined to associate the concept of success and realization
to
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with
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 the ones of richness and money.
That is
 a
conseguence
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consequence
 of
today
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today's
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 society, where the most valuable facts about us are what we possess or what we have the power to buy, but I find it a very
inconvinient
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inconvenient
convenient
 and empty way of seeing life. It is shown that the only right path to achieve feeling fulfilled is passing through education, from
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 the first of the class in primary school to achieving a degree with the maximum score, and
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
, hard
working
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work
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 more than 8 hours a day maybe
also
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 employed in something you do not enjoy, but I am convinced that
this
 is not the truth.
Beeing
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Being
 proud of
ourself
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ourselves
show examples
, thinking that we have
finally
 reached what we desire depends only on the goal that we focus on, not on the predefined roles that are imposed worldwide.
For instance
, in my point of view, I will feel
acomplished
Correct your spelling
accomplished
 only when I'll become the owner of the bigger Italian tech company because
that is
 the field I would love to spend all my life in, but for my friend
Chiara
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Chiara,
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 the biggest achievement could be having a big and lovely family of their own
,
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apply
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 because
that is
 her dream. In conclusion, there is not a single definition of the term success, and all of them are right, since everyone will
finally
 feel proud of themself
only
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for only
show examples
 pursuing their ambitions, and trying every day to get closer to them.
Submitted by matilderestelli.work on

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coherence cohesion
Use a clear and concise introduction that directly states what the essay will cover. Your current introduction is a bit scattered, and focusing it on the main idea will strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop each main point in a separate paragraph for better readability and coherence. This helps in presenting arguments in a more organized way.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points, which will add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to minimize errors. Small grammatical issues can detract from the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on why certain pathways to success might not be suitable for everyone, and provide more nuanced insights into different perspectives.
task achievement
Your essay presents a comprehensive view of what success means to different individuals, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that encapsulates your views well.
task achievement
You have incorporated personal views on success along with an example, which adds a personal touch to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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