IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the global mobile phone
sales
Use synonyms
 among famous brands over the years, between 2009 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that on the chart are represented five main companies,
such
Linking Words
 as Nokia, Apple and ZTE. The graph shows that there are significant differences
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 of these brands. Samsung and Apple increased
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
 over the years, the first achieved 450
million
Use synonyms
 in 2013 and the second 150
million
Use synonyms
. A big result if we look at the starting point of Apple which was less than 50
million
Use synonyms
. Unfortunately, Nokia
sales
Use synonyms
 dropped
drammatically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 after 2011
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 250
million
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 LG undergo a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 decrease. ZTE's
sales
Use synonyms
 did not change a lot during the years and
also
Linking Words
 it
also
Linking Words
 recorded the lowest data in the most recent year. The
peack
Correct your spelling
peak
 of
sales
Use synonyms
 is achieved by Samsung in 2013 at 45O
million
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Mobile phone brands
  • Market share
  • Trends
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Technological advancements
  • Innovation
  • Consumer preferences
  • Demographics
  • Market dominance
  • Brand loyalty
  • Comparative analysis
  • Sales figures
  • Data interpretation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: