IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #front #television #computer #screen #development #parents #limit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the
last
 few decades we have been witnessing rueful trends
such
 as increased
time
 spent watching television and computer screen among adolescents and it is a known fact that it has a detrimental influence on a growing organism. Across the globe, certain individuals claim that
time
 which is spent in front of the screen should be limited by parents. ,
Personally
Add a comma
,Personally
show examples
 I completely agree with that claim and I will support
this
 view with arguments in the following essay. First and foremost,
such
 types of technic as television, smartphones and computers are a source of threat to our health, especially to the health of young people.
For example
, they have a high amount of dangerous waves which could spoil brain neurones and slow down the brain's work, especially if we take into account that it is a developing and growing organism.
Subsequently
, it has a direct impact on the school's marks and learning achievement. Nowadays, teachers are reporting decreasing levels of educational performance among teenagers.
Secondly
, a long
time
 spending by playing games, and watching television can lead to social anxiety or make a person an introvert. Eventually, addiction to technology is becoming one of the widespread problems among teenagers.
For instance
, scientists have been noticing increasing rates of children who would rather spend
time
 with online friends by playing games than hang out with real friends. It is rueful. So
due to
 that ,
fact
Add an article
the fact
a fact
show examples
 we have to alarm about
this
problem
 because today's little
problem
 could become in big
problem
 tomorrow. In conclusion, the cited evidence provides strong support view that we have been facing a spreading
problem
 and it should be solved by reducing
time
 in front of technic by parents.
Submitted by amirizbasarov25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: