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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and plan future development of the site

The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and plan future development of the site
#maps #show #area #town #norbiton #plan #future #development #site
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The maps depict the Norbiton industrial
area
Use synonyms
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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present and the estimation of refurbishment on the site.
Overall
Linking Words
, after refurbishment,
on
Change preposition
apply
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the north side of
Use synonyms
river
Add an article
the river
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 will be a housing
area
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
southest
Correct your spelling
southeast
southwest
area
Use synonyms
 will be focused on the residential
area
Use synonyms
, educational place, and refreshing purposes. In detail, on the north side of
Use synonyms
river
Add an article
the river
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 will be
build
Wrong verb form
built
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 a residential
area
Use synonyms
 which will
served
Change the verb form
serve
be served
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with
Change preposition
apply
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the main road across the
river
Use synonyms
. Based on the prediction, the government do not destroy any building in
this
Linking Words
 location.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, on the
south
Replace the word
southern
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area
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
river
Add an article
the river
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, after being altered into the housing
area
Use synonyms
, the national authorities will
altered
Change the verb form
alter
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 the essential focus of the map into recreational, educational, and medical purposes,
such
Linking Words
 as markets,
playground
Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
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, medical
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 and schools. The residential place will
also
Linking Words
developed
Change the verb form
be developed
develop
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 after being planned. The government will
also
Linking Words
 add a road circle
in
Change preposition
on
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 the
southest
Correct your spelling
southeast
 side of the industrial environment.
Submitted by rafiaufa18 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, river with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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