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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian Cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian Cities.
#results #survey #people #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities
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the chart depicts people's purchasing preferences and drinks customs
last
Linking Words
 month in (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisban,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 and Hobart) in Australia.
overall
Linking Words
,
habitants
Correct your spelling
habitats
show examples
 in all cities -except
Adelaide
Use synonyms
- preferred going to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea. whilst, in
Use synonyms
Adelaide
Add a comma
,Adelaide
show examples
 the majority had bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 came
last
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the list of preferences. We can notice that more than 60% of people in Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart went to
coffee
Use synonyms
 to have drinks. Whistle, in Brisban 55% of the survey candidates choose
going
Change the verb form
to go
show examples
 to the
coffee
Use synonyms
 out of other choices, but in
Use synonyms
Adelaide
Add a comma
,Adelaide
show examples
 less than forty per cent of
habitants
Correct your spelling
habitats
show examples
 choose that choice.
While
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of that choice, Half of them went with
instant
Correct article usage
the instant
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 option. We observe that having fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the
last
Linking Words
 in all cities. In Sydney, Melbourne and
Hobar
Correct your spelling
Hobart
 the percentage was about forty.
Whereas
Linking Words
 it was less than 35 % in Brisban and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alasfar.maram on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adelaide, coffee with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • coffee and tea buying habits
  • instant coffee
  • fresh coffee
  • cafe culture
  • social influences
  • economic factors
  • city demographics
  • seasonal trends
  • marketing strategies
  • consumer preferences
  • availability
  • popularity
  • consumption patterns
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