IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #science #subjects #country #progress
Education plays
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 role in
country’s
Correct article usage
a country’s
show examples
 development.
One
 section of individuals
opine
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opines
show examples
 that the authorities must spend extra money on
science
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 as compared to other areas.
While
 I accept that
invention
Correct article usage
the invention
show examples
 of
science
 has brought
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advancement in life, I believe that
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 amount of attention must be paid to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other subjects. In my opinion, there are two main achievements of
science
 in
this
 world, and the prominent
one
is ease
Change the verb form
eases
show examples
 the communication.
This
 is because people who are away from their families are able to see and talk to them
due to
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 development. To illustrate, computers are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
 of the best
invention
Change to a plural noun
inventions
show examples
 of
science
 that helps many people to connect with each other around the world, and work effectively as compared to humans. Another key consideration is daily life has become easy with the help of electrical appliances. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
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a number
the number
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 of kitchen items
such
Change preposition
as a
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
as
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high pressure
Add a hyphen
high-pressure
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cooker
Fix the agreement mistake
cookers
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 that can cook
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food within minutes without consuming much electricity or gas.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 I would argue that other educational areas are important too.
Firstly
,
children
 need exposure to physical education.
Firstly
 it is already said that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 mind lives in
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 body,
therefore
 it is necessary to maintain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance between physical and mental health. To illustrate, swimming is compulsory in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools at the age of 5 as they believe it can help
children
 to become more active as they can
sufficient
Change the word
sufficiently
show examples
 break from
theoretical
Correct article usage
the theoretical
show examples
 part. Another consideration is that educating the students about
english
Change the capitalization
English
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 and mathematics
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 required. When
children
 go out of their own country, they require to pass
Correct article usage
the english
show examples
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 examination since it is
one
 of the requirements. To make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things clear and easy,
children
 must be encouraged to focus on all the subjects. In conclusion,
although
 there are some reasons
behind
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
science
 requires more money for education
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, I consider that other subjects can never be ignored under any circumstance.
Submitted by Navneet Dhand on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • holistic development
  • technological advancements
  • critical thinking
  • cultural awareness
  • sustainable development
  • return on investment (ROI)
  • global competitiveness
  • job market
  • equitable education
  • funding allocation
  • curriculum balance
  • civic responsibilities
  • interdisciplinary approach
What to do next:
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