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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that museum should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museum is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion

#people #museum #places #purpose
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It is undeniable that
museums
Use synonyms
 have become a controversial talk of
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
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 era. Some individuals argue that to attract
people
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visiting
Change the verb form
to visit
show examples
museums
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 is by
adding
Wrong verb form
add
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 several facilities to be more enjoyable.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
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 reject those notions, they believe that the main purpose of
museums
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 is educating citizens. I assume that both
of
Change preposition
apply
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views can be combined as a unity, which will be elaborated
in
Change preposition
on in
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upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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 paragraph. Beginning with
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 sentence, the prominent point to support it is
museums
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 have to add a
number
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 of amenities in order to create convenience when
people
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 visit a
museum
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. Because nowadays a large
number
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 of individuals assume that
Use synonyms
museum
Change the article
a museum
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 is
a
Change the article
an
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 unattractive
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a survey
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 conducted by Roman School university reported that the
number
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 of
visitors
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in
Change preposition
to
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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museums
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 been
Add an article
a decline
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decline
Wrong verb form
declined
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 since a decade ago,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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people
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 said that
museums
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 are
unsuitable
Add an article
an unsuitable
the unsuitable
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 to spend time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, citizens argue that by visiting
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 children may learn a lot of lessons, particularly
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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history.
Moreover
Linking Words
, indeed
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museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 are designed to collect
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of equipment
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equipment
Change to a plural noun
equipments
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 from past
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, which may assist
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to learn
regarding
Change preposition
about
show examples
 history with relic
collection
Fix the agreement mistake
collections
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 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 remained. In my opinion,
government
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the government
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 should take a step to boost
a
Correct article usage
the
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 total of
visitors
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in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
museums
a museum
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museums
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. Adding several facilities and or coffee are possible solutions, which can lead
Change preposition
to the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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number
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 of
visitors
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then
Linking Words
 make
people
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 enjoy
when
Correct pronoun usage
themselves when
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 they learn
regarding
Change preposition
about
show examples
 history in a
museum
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. In conclusion, creating
enjoyable
Add an article
an enjoyable
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 place in a
museum
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 to make
people
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 enjoy when learning is pivotal
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it can increase the
number
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 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 and create
Use synonyms
visitors
Change noun form
visitors'
visitor's
show examples
 convenience.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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