IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that museum should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museum is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion

#people #museum #places #purpose
It is undeniable that
museums
 have become a controversial talk of
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 era. Some individuals argue that to attract
people
visiting
Change the verb form
to visit
show examples
museums
 is by
adding
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
 several facilities to be more enjoyable.
However
, some
people
 reject those notions, they believe that the main purpose of
museums
 is educating citizens. I assume that both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views can be combined as a unity, which will be elaborated
in
Change preposition
on in
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upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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 paragraph. Beginning with
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 sentence, the prominent point to support it is
museums
 have to add a
number
 of amenities in order to create convenience when
people
 visit a
museum
. Because nowadays a large
number
 of individuals assume that
museum
Change the article
a museum
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 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unattractive
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
Additionally
, a survey
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 conducted by Roman School university reported that the
number
 of
visitors
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
museums
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been
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a decline
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decline
Wrong verb form
declined
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 since a decade ago,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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people
 said that
museums
 are
unsuitable
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an unsuitable
the unsuitable
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 to spend time.
On the other hand
, citizens argue that by visiting
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 children may learn a lot of lessons, particularly
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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history.
Moreover
, indeed
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 are designed to collect
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of equipment
show examples
equipment
Change to a plural noun
equipments
show examples
 from past
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, which may assist
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the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to learn
regarding
Change preposition
about
show examples
 history with relic
collection
Fix the agreement mistake
collections
show examples
 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 remained. In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take a step to boost
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 total of
visitors
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
museums
a museum
show examples
museums
. Adding several facilities and or coffee are possible solutions, which can lead
Change preposition
to the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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number
 of
visitors
then
 make
people
 enjoy
when
Correct pronoun usage
themselves when
show examples
 they learn
regarding
Change preposition
about
show examples
 history in a
museum
. In conclusion, creating
enjoyable
Add an article
an enjoyable
show examples
 place in a
museum
 to make
people
 enjoy when learning is pivotal
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it can increase the
number
 of
visitors
 and create
visitors
Change noun form
visitors'
visitor's
show examples
 convenience.
Submitted by iamlearner9697 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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