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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, it is posible for people to have a variety of food that has been transported from all over the world. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #posible #people #variety #food #world
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With globalization
food
 which
a
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apply
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manufacture throughout the world can be purchased at any place
due to
 the policies of many governments which
are directly depend
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directly depend
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 their economy on immigration and
exportation
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,exportation
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 they are numerous
profit
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profits
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 and drawbacks in
food
 importation and in my opinion I believe disadvantages are higher than the advantages.
Firstly
,
large
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a large
the large
show examples
 amount of chemicals
is
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are
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 added to fruits and vegetables and they may be harmful to our
health
. As raw
foods
 should be subjected to transport long distances and kept for
longer
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a longer
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period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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,
large
Add an article
a large
the large
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 amount of chemicals is added to prevent the ripening of fruits and vegetables. Most of
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the times
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times
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time
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 artificial flavours and colours are added
by
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apply
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making the
food
 unhealthy to eat and
this
 may
cause
 various
health
 problems
such
 as
cancers
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cancer
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.
Secondly
,
food
 importation always
link
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links
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 with packing materials and they may
cause
 detrimental effects on the environment. For prevention of damage
for
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to
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food
items
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,items
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 they are covered with lots of packing material
such
 as polythene and paper boxes. Even though they can be recycled most of them
disposed
Add a missing verb
are disposed
show examples
Change preposition
of to
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to
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of
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surround
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surroundings
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 and it will lead to the accumulation of non-degradable materials in
an
Correct article usage
the
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 environment and
cause
 loss of habitats and
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 for wildlife. Other than that, the mosquitoes like parasites can be increased and
cause
health
 problems. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
those, there are several advantages of important
foods
. As they are a direct result of massive production, items are cheaper
then
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than
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 some of
local
Correct pronoun usage
their local
show examples
 counterparts,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
of
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apply
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that person can
full
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fully
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 fill their nutritional and emotional demands easily. Not only that
due to
 competition in local markets,
the price of other
Add the word(s)
but the price of other food items may also
show examples
food
 items may be reduced. In conclusion, there are both benefits and drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 importing
foods
, because it has a direct impact on people's
health
 and economy. In my opinion, I believe that
due to
 huge
health
 and
environment
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environmental
show examples
 risks,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 are always outweighed the advantages.
Submitted by madhuherath.manny on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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