IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, it is posible for people to have a variety of food that has been transported from all over the world. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #posible #people #variety #food #world
With globalization
food
 which
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
manufacture throughout the world can be purchased at any place
due to
 the policies of many governments which
are directly depend
Change the verb form
directly depend
show examples
 their economy on immigration and
exportation
Add a comma
,exportation
show examples
 they are numerous
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
 and drawbacks in
food
 importation and in my opinion I believe disadvantages are higher than the advantages.
Firstly
,
large
Add an article
a large
the large
show examples
 amount of chemicals
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 added to fruits and vegetables and they may be harmful to our
health
. As raw
foods
 should be subjected to transport long distances and kept for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
,
large
Add an article
a large
the large
show examples
 amount of chemicals is added to prevent the ripening of fruits and vegetables. Most of
Add an article
the times
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 artificial flavours and colours are added
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making the
food
 unhealthy to eat and
this
 may
cause
 various
health
 problems
such
 as
cancers
Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
show examples
.
Secondly
,
food
 importation always
link
Change the verb form
links
show examples
 with packing materials and they may
cause
 detrimental effects on the environment. For prevention of damage
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
food
items
Add a comma
,items
show examples
 they are covered with lots of packing material
such
 as polythene and paper boxes. Even though they can be recycled most of them
disposed
Add a missing verb
are disposed
show examples
Change preposition
of to
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
surround
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
 and it will lead to the accumulation of non-degradable materials in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 environment and
cause
 loss of habitats and
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 for wildlife. Other than that, the mosquitoes like parasites can be increased and
cause
health
 problems. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those, there are several advantages of important
foods
. As they are a direct result of massive production, items are cheaper
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 some of
local
Correct pronoun usage
their local
show examples
 counterparts,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that person can
full
Change the word
fully
show examples
 fill their nutritional and emotional demands easily. Not only that
due to
 competition in local markets,
the price of other
Add the word(s)
but the price of other food items may also
show examples
food
 items may be reduced. In conclusion, there are both benefits and drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 importing
foods
, because it has a direct impact on people's
health
 and economy. In my opinion, I believe that
due to
 huge
health
 and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 risks,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 are always outweighed the advantages.
Submitted by madhuherath.manny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: