IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sport #child #education #effects #children
Competition in
sports
 plays an important role in
children
's education.Few people argue that competitive
sports
activities
 are vital for
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
academic careers.
While
 others say that has some disadvantages for school-going
children
.in
this
 essay
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both points of view and give the reason why I believe that
sports
 are essential for
children
.
To begin
 with,a group of people argue that including
sports
 in school will have many advantages for an heir who participates actively in competition.the first and foremost benefit is that the pupil can have a healthy physical and emotional aspect in their body.
For instance
,nowadays everybody loves to eat fast food and carbonated drinks rather than eating at home which can lead to major health issues.
While
 participating in competitive
sports
activities
 scion can prevent obesity which may cause major chronic diseases.
moreover
,
children
 who are actively participating in
such
 types of physical
activities
 can have an improved social identity and adjustments among others by working as a team.
However
, few people say that competitive
sports
activities
 can make a negative effect on younger
children
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they have a thought of fear about their
children
 may get injured .
Moreover
, in some cases, these
sports
 will demand more time for training because of which parents think that it may affect their
children
"s studies.
To sum up
,having all
substantial
Correct article usage
the substantial
show examples
 arguments,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
sports
 are important for
children
"s development.Personally, I believe that competition in schools brings more advantages than getting harm.Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
sports
 are necessary
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the age of a teenager in order to study,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 competitions are more vital,as it helps to find the ability of offspring.
Submitted by sandhyarenjith789 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: