IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making temperature higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperature rising?

#evidence #activities #temperature
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Although
Linking Words
 industrial
production
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 of
materials
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 developing civilization efficiently, there
is
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are
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 some consequences of
such
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 a massive amount of
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production
Replace the word
products
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such
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 as climate change and global warming which results in an increased
temprature
Correct your spelling
temperature
 over time.
This
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 essay will discuss the main causes of temperature rising through
the
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apply
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man-made
materials
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. It is certain that
,
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apply
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 electronic devices, which are helping people's daily life, need
to
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apply
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lots of raw
materials
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 for their developing and serial
production
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 states which leads to
depletion
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the depletion
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 of sources like
woods
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wood
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,
water
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 and different metals. These actions
also
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 result in deforestation in a short term. Deforestation and depletion of
water
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 sources are both directly and indirectly related to increased
carbon
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 footprint and eventually increase in temperature. One of the most important industrial
production
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material
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materials
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 is plastic which is resistant to
biodegeneration
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degeneration
 in
a
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the
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longterm
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long term
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. Because of the chemical structure of
the
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apply
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plastic, it has to
recycled
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be recycled
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 with technological processes.
This
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 unsuccessful degeneration affects
water
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 sources and natural
habitat
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habitats
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 badly. Another issue is
overconsumption
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the overconsumption
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 of raw
materials
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 lead to
high
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a high
the high
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 level of
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carbon based
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carbon-based
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 gases like
a
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apply
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carbon
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 dioxide. High
level
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levels
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 of
carbon
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 dioxide in the atmosphere
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also
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are also
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 related to global warming. Processed foods
such
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 as salami, pastrami or fast foods are great examples
for
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of
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 overconsumption of
the
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apply
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raw
materials
Use synonyms
.
This
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 action has a poor impact on
environment
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the environment
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 and human health. In conclusion, industrial products (
such
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 as electronic devices and processed foods) and overconsumption of raw
materials
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such
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 as wood,
water
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 and metals result in
an
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apply
show examples
increased temperature and deforestation which is directly related to global warming.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • carbon dioxide emissions
  • greenhouse effect
  • pollution
  • emissions
  • combustion
  • degradation
  • erosion
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • industrial emissions
  • agricultural practices
  • urban development
  • residential areas
  • waste disposal
What to do next:
Look at other essays: