IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

New technology have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#technology #children #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The advent of
technology
Use synonyms
 has led to some changes in how
children
Use synonyms
 spend their free
time
Use synonyms
, compared to the past when
technology
Use synonyms
 was
such
Linking Words
 a new thing in our life. In my point of view, its benefits definitely surpass the drawbacks on certain sides. First of all, take a look at the disadvantages that
this
Linking Words
 change brings to
children
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
's health may be affected by the high energy visible from
technology
Use synonyms
 devices. Watching television for more than recommended hours,
for example
Linking Words
, is one of the most aspects that lead to eye diseases and other illnesses-related.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it takes away their family
time
Use synonyms
 and friend
time
Use synonyms
, which is negatively affected their development.
Children
Use synonyms
 will tend to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 playing video games
instead
Linking Words
 of having a talk with their parents, or less
time
Use synonyms
 playing other outdoor activities with their friends as usual.
However
Linking Words
, the advantages of it still surpass the negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
 when they have free
time
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it changes the way they get knowledge, through the Internet and
technology
Use synonyms
 tools.
Children
Use synonyms
 nowadays can learn and read about different information by surfing the Internet and using smart devices.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it can be a way to help them relax after school
time
Use synonyms
. Listening to music on different networking sites
such
Linking Words
 as Youtube, and Spotify,
for instance
Linking Words
, is an effective method to enjoy free
time
Use synonyms
 and relaxation, which is contributed to strengthening their mental health.
Finally
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can form new relationships when they are free, by using
technology
Use synonyms
. Social media sites like Facebook can help
children
Use synonyms
 make new friends from around the world, and develop their friendship even though they cannot meet in person. In conclusion, it can be clearly seen that
technology
Use synonyms
 has obviously changed the habits of
children
Use synonyms
 when they are in their free
time
Use synonyms
. Even though it exists some certain drawbacks, the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend still outweigh its negative sides
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and support
children
Use synonyms
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by vananhtran01112 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: