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Band 5

Some say, that's money is the root of all evil, while others claim that money can buy everything, including happiness discuss both of youse, and give your opinion

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In today’s
times
Change to a genitive case
time's
times'
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives because they
rely
Add the preposition
onrely
uponrely
show examples
 you need to leave some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
money
Use synonyms
 is everything and
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can buy
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
whatever they won’t even
things
Use synonyms
 that cannot be both at the same
time
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 claim that it is the thing
that is
Linking Words
 going to destroy everyone’s life. To believe that
money
Use synonyms
 is everything is somehow bad some
people
Use synonyms
 believe, at least mentally .
To begin
Linking Words
 with, we should consider the benefits of why
money
Use synonyms
 may not bring happiness. When a person has
money
Use synonyms
 he starts and buys a lot of
things
Use synonyms
 he does not need and in the end he ends up being an
over consumer
Add a hyphen
over-consumer
show examples
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 his
money
Use synonyms
 runs out and there is a financial problem and at the same
time
Use synonyms
 an overworking problem.
This
Linking Words
 problem would bring mental issues because of extreme stress and pressure concerning
money
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
money
Use synonyms
 is used in the right way, it is necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 your life. You absolutely need to meet your basic needs like having enough food, water, clothes, and a safe house to stay. Without
money
Use synonyms
, you simply cannot survive.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 cannot buy your
time
Use synonyms
, but it gives you the ability to spend less
time
Use synonyms
 on the
things
Use synonyms
 you do not want and more
time
Use synonyms
 on the
things
Use synonyms
 you like.
For example
Linking Words
,
in other words
Linking Words
, you can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with
people
Use synonyms
 you love and
things
Use synonyms
 you love.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 allows you
free
Fix the infinitive
to free
show examples
 them on how you’re going to spend your
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which some may argue is more
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
money
Use synonyms
 is the root of all evil. Sometimes
money
Use synonyms
 has advantages
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
, and I believe that
money
Use synonyms
 is everything
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
without
Add the comma(s)
,without
show examples
 it, none of us could leave.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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