IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

mostly people are becoming seriously overweight ? some say that rising the price of fatty foods will solve this problem . to what extent do you agree or disagree with the essay.

#people #say #price #foods
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As an increasing number of
people
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 are concerned about
people
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 who are overweight , it's interesting to analyse if increasing the fatty
food
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cost
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 could address
this
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 issue. It's hard to deny that adding
food
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cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 could reduce the sales of fatty
food
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. ,
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However
Add a comma
,However
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such
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 a statement suffers from different opinions. From a personal point of view, I strongly hold that rising the fatty foods
price
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 couldn't solve the
obesity
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 issue. First and foremost, the
people
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 who prefer junk
food
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 to a balanced diet because of their unhealthy eating lifestyle. Most fatty
food
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 is a deep-fried
meals
Change the noun form
meal
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 with a lot of species to enhance flavour . When
people
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 eat unhealthy
food
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 will make them feel satisfied.To be more specific,
obesity
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 will ingoner the fatty
food
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price
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 to release stress.
Furthermore
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, the
cost
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 of fatty
food
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 is a low constant of the cheap ingredients. Rising the
price
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 of junk
food
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 will break the economy. It is common knowledge that healthy
food
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 is more expensive than fatty
food
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.But if all
food
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 becomes much more expensive. It will be hard for the poor to live in society.
For example
Linking Words
, a poor man's fixed expense is only $100 per week, he or she could not afford higher
food
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Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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.
Nevertheless
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, a voice arises that increasing the
price
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 of fatty
food
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 could reduce
obesity
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 consumption desire. In my opinion, it's similar like everyone knowing cigarette is not a good choice for
people
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's health. But some
people
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 save money on
a cigarettes
Correct the article-noun agreement
cigarettes
a cigarette
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. It means that if
people
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 would like to eat unhealthy
food
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, they have to reduce other essential expenses,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 rent. In a nutshell, I maintain that rising the
price
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 of junk
food
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 is not a feasible method to control
people
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's weight.
However
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,
obesity
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 should explore and study how to be more responsible for their health and life.
Submitted by zooeyyu on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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