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Band 4

Some People believe that childhood is the best stage of happiness. While others believe that a person can enjoy more happiness in other stages of life. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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It is thought the majority of human beings that
childhood
Use synonyms
 is the stage
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 people live happier than adulthood,
while
Linking Words
 others believe any individual can spend his own
life
Use synonyms
 happier in another state
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
of
life
Use synonyms
 than
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides and
finally
Linking Words
 give my own opinion. On the one hand, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood
Use synonyms
, we are free from many responsibilities
such
Linking Words
 as earning money to maintain the family and raising
kids
Use synonyms
. Almost all the needs
such
Linking Words
 as foods FIX THE AGREEMENT MISTAKE food It seems that foods may not agree in number with other words in
this
Linking Words
 phrase. show examples , clothes and
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
FIX THE AGREEMENT MISTAKE items It seems that item may not agree in number with other words in
this
Linking Words
 phrase. show examples which are necessary for education will be provided by parents. Even though, sometimes
kids
Use synonyms
 engage in paid work
that is
Linking Words
 mainly done
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
show examples
 extra pocket money to buy items which are trending with peer groups. Not only that, in
childhood
Use synonyms
 we do not care about maintaining false images and social status. When
kids
Use synonyms
 grow up and become
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 most of them want to show that they are happier and have lots of valuable things than their friends and relatives.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 reasons, children have minds with less burden and they can easily be satisfied.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, happiness is a state of mind that can
achieve
Wrong verb form
be achieved
show examples
 at any point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Despite of responsibilities
which have
Wrong verb form
that one has
show examples
 to face in adulthood anyone can be happy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they live with
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
 vision.
Not like
Rephrase
Like
show examples
 in
childhood
Use synonyms
 there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of activities that can be engaged
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
later
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. As we can earn money and
no
Add a missing verb
have no
show examples
 need to pester others, we are able to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 our desires by purchasing goods or services and travelling around the world. In conclusion, as
kids
Use synonyms
 are
easily
Replace the adverb
easy
show examples
 can be satisfied with little things and they only have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 responsibilities I believe
childhood
Use synonyms
 is the best stage of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 we are truly happy.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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