IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
The provided charts illustrate the changement that the West Park Secondary
School
 has undergone from the year that has been
builded
Correct your spelling
built
show examples
 (1950).
Overall
,
it is clear that
 a lot of
changes
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 over the years
due to
 the new needs of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society. In the year of its construction, the
school
 consisted
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 one building with a large playground located in the bottom right-hand corner. The
school
Add a missing verb
was borded
show examples
borded
Correct your spelling
boarded
board
 with three houses that
standed
Correct your spelling
stand
 in front of the farmland. Thirty years later, we can see that some important
changes
 already took place. In fact, in 1980 the
school
 has been extended and a science block have been added where once there were
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
houses. Next to it, a small car park has been placed.
Moreover
, a sports field replaced the farmland.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we can witness even more
changes
taking
Change preposition
by taking
show examples
 a look at the diagram from 2010: it shows how the car park has been extremely expanded, covering the space that once was occupied by the sports field.
On the contrary
, the latter has been reduced,
occuping
Correct your spelling
occupying
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of the ground of the playground. As regards the
school
, it remained the same.
To sum up
, over a period of 60 years some relevant modifications have been made to the place that the maps present.
In particular
, the
changes
 were linked to the rise of
cars
Change noun form
cars'
car's
show examples
 popularity.
However
, some elements didn't change
such
 as the main road and the main building of the
school
.
Submitted by aliceterreno on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words school, changes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 5 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: