IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to university while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #university #factors
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There are argumentative perspectives heating a debate over how to achieve a high-flier position in life.
While
 some
people
 hold a strong view that having accessibility to a learning journey at colleges acts as the sole path to
people
’s fruitfulness, the opposite makes a statement whether it is other influential determinants that have a great impact on it.
While
 each has its own merits, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned aspects. Without a shadow of a doubt, getting access to a broad range of theoretical knowledge at institutions plays
such
 a paramount significant role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the high achievements of
people
.
This
 might be because an academic degree provides opportunities to land a decent job in reputable firms, which makes
people
 have a better career. To be more precise, national-acclaimed enterprises
such
 as Vingroup have a tendency to hire postgraduates who have a degree from top-ranked universities, namely National Economics University,
Foreign
Correct word choice
and Foreign
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 Trade University. In sharp contrast, individuals without a fundamental knowledge foundation and certificates in higher education are unable to do some particular jobs,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 doctors, teachers,
pilots
Correct word choice
and pilots
show examples
 .
Hence
, digesting valuable insights in academies brings about tremendous influence, yet it is not the only method to gain
high-achievements
Correct your spelling
high achievements
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.
While
 the redeeming features of having a learning journey in
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
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 are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if the contribution to a person’s success of different elements
are
Change the verb form
is
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 ignored, especially attitude. In my opinion,
people
’s attitudes toward occupation and co-workers reflect their working ethic, which affects the level of productivity for the cooperation.
For instance
, if
people
 approach tasks with a positive attitude, they will have more motivation and enthusiasm to be productive workers.
Thus
, a
high-achiever
Correct your spelling
high achiever
show examples
 is attributable to various factors including attitudes. In conclusion,
although
 absorbing academic knowledge acts as a precursor for
people
 to succeed in life, other determinants catalyze it as well.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task response
Ensure to stay on topic and fully address all parts of the question. Provide a clear opinion and develop all aspects of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Develop your ideas logically and coherently. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and aim for more precision and accuracy in word choices. Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility and sophistication.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure, word forms, and word order. Use a range of complex and simple structures and make sure to demonstrate control of grammar and punctuation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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