IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people feel that boarding schools ( where students or pupils live at the school during the term) are excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number reasons.

#people #schools #students #pupils #school #term #option #children
Parents
 feel that boarding schools are the best way for their children to educate
on the other hand
 others think differently.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the issue is not entirely straight forward and arguments can be made against
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
. The essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.
Students
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 study in boarding school may benefit from various advantages that it has like being in a completely educational space so that they can focus on their lessons more than
students
 in normal schools.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 they will learn how to live
indepently
Correct your spelling
independently
 without their parent’s
24 hours
Correct your spelling
24-hour
 attention.They will learn how to take care of life and
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
show examples
 things that adults have to do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
although
 it may seem cruel to some people
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
when the time comes they will be more comfortable
to leave
Change the verb form
leaving
show examples
 their
parents
 and
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 indecently. Another argument is that (not all
students
) many
students
 can not bear to live without their
parents
 and they are really attached to them and need to have them as close as possible or else they will feel forsaken or abandoned and it can lead to serious mental problems.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 some
parents
 believe that without their presence their children’s education would become less effective.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 children gain more happiness and love by living with their families and they will eventually be ready to live
indepently
Correct your spelling
independently
 at some
points
Fix the agreement mistake
point
show examples
.
Overall
 it seems that studying abroad really
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
each individual characteristic
although
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 thoughts should
he
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 on
this
 specific subject. It would appear that it’s less likely for both
parents
 and children would prefer to study in boarding schools rather than
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
Submitted by shojaeinejad_m on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: