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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the process of making matches. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the process of making matches. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The diagram explains the way in which matches are made,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 phases, and the machine used in making
such
Linking Words
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 9-10 stages, starting with
peeling
Correct article usage
the peeling
show examples
 of the log, drying and up to the packaging area.
To begin
Linking Words
, the log will be peeled by a veneer with
blade
Correct article usage
a blade
show examples
 and will turn into tiny pieces by chopping. After that, it will be soaked
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a tank with ammonium phosphate and drying will follow. From the dryer, a hopper will catch the dried materials
then
Linking Words
 wIll be pushed by a blower to a metal duct until
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 reached the
storag
Correct your spelling
storage
 area. After it has been stored,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will be inserted
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
steel
Correct article usage
a steel
show examples
 belt with holes. In
this
Linking Words
 process, the matches will undergo to three different tanks for dipping,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 consists of paraffin wax, based chemicals, and tip chemicals
respectvely
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the matchsticks
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 ready for final drying and
then
Linking Words
 go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 area of packaging.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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