IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best curriculum is not one based on a static body of knowledge, but one which teaches students to cope with change. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
Change preposition
From
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 some perspectives, compared to fundamental
knowledge
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, the acquisition of capacities to cope with change is more important. I disagree with
such
Linking Words
 opinions since both aspects of teaching should be valued equally. On the one hand, fundamental
knowledge
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, including mathematics, science, and biology, is essential for
students
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 to extend their studies based on it.
Such
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 as the capacity of calculation, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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students
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 to have a better understanding when they learn more sophisticated
subjects
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, be it financial analysis in business fields or graphic design in construction areas.
For example
Linking Words
, in the UK, the government
planning
Replace the word
plans
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 to make math classes one of the main
subjects
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 in schools until
students
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 are in ninth grade to ensure young individuals have better capacities for financial arrangements in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not enough for
students
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 nowadays to take only traditional education without gaining the capacity to tackle changes,
such
Linking Words
 as the effects derived from the development of modern technologies.
Instead
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 of sticking to the
knowledge
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 in textbooks, courses should prepare
students
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 for the fast-changing workplace, where new work positions are
spring-ups
Use the right word
springing up
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while
Linking Words
 many existing job opportunities may be replaced by high-end technologies.
For example
Linking Words
, the governments in Taiwan provide various
subjects
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 for young individuals to get familiar with different job positions in the real world, for them to convert the
knowledge
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 learned from courses into practical
usages
Replace the word
use
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, including short internships in local businesses, and
subjects
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 for
students
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 to start a business on campus.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though the fundamental
subjects
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 are crucial for young people to equip
with
Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
show examples
 fundamental abilities, which help them to explore more possibilities in the future. The value of the courses providing
students
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 with practical
knowledge
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 to cope with change in modern societies should not be overlooked
since
Punctuation problem
, since
show examples
 it could increase the competitiveness of the younger generation in the real world.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I disagree that schools should only focus on teaching
students
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 to tackle change.

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task response
State your view clearly at the start and keep it steady through the essay. The text says both ideas are important, but a clearer single line helps the reader.
coherence
Give one main idea in each paragraph and connect it to your view. Use simple, direct examples.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas, like and, but, also, however, therefore. Do not overuse them, and keep sentences short.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Some sentences have verb form or plural mistakes. Use short, plain sentences.
content
Clear stance on the topic.
example
Good use of real examples from UK and Taiwan.
structure
Two body paragraphs and a conclusion help structure the essay.
style
Easy to read with common words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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