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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar canes. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar canes. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #sugar #canes #summerise #information #features #comparisons
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The given diagram
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 the information about
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 production
process
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are total
7
Change preposition
of 7
show examples
steps to make
sugar
Use synonyms
 from raw materials.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the manufacturing
Use synonyms
process
Add a comma
,process
show examples
 the form of
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 turn into
juice
Use synonyms
 and syrup. Before the
process
Use synonyms
 begins,
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 are grown by farmers. It normally takes 12 to 18 months to be fully
growned
Correct your spelling
grown
. When they are ready to be harvested, the farmers start to work on gathering
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 either using machines or using handy tools.
Next,
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 are crushed into sweet
juice
Use synonyms
 with a huge
juice
Use synonyms
 maker. After sugary
juice
Use synonyms
 is made, it needs to be purified by
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
show examples
 filter in order to get rid of impurities like
dirts
Change the wording
dirt
specks of dirt
show examples
. Pure
juice
Use synonyms
 is put into an evaporator which is heated by fire to make syrup.
The next step is
Linking Words
centrifuge
Correct article usage
the centrifuge
show examples
process
Use synonyms
, which separates
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from the syrup. Separated
sugar
Use synonyms
 powders are dried and cooled in the final step, they are
finally
Linking Words
 ready to be sold.
Submitted by 98shs on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, canes, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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